We have examined all different forms of CrankaTsuris. Some are very common and easily treatable. Others are much more serious, and requires serious intervention. One of the more dangerous CrankaTsuris that a person can become afflicted with is called “Don’t Get Me Started” Crankatsuris. The person who suffers from this particular form of CrankaTsuris actually keeps the CrankaTsuris inside, and does not share the CrankaTsuris with his or her closest friends or family members. The CrankaTsuris is not let out, but rather it is eating up this person inside. You may notice a friend or relative with this disabling CrankaTsuris just sitting alone in a corner, talking to him or herself. When it gets this serious, they also have “I am Beside Myself” CrankaTsuris.” This is easy to detect just by the fact that they have decided that the only ones they want to have conversations with are themselves.

As previously disclosed in “A Grownup Guide to Effective Crankiness”, years ago, my neighbors were the Barkers. The Barker Family was made up of Woody and Maple Bark, and their two kids, Birch and Willow. All of the family members had lost their voice after they each would just tell the other “you are barking up the wrong tree. ” Finally, they went to see Dr. Sylvia Burt, who happened to be a Barking Up the Right Tree Specialist. After months of working with the Barkers, all of their voices came back. They learned how to bark up the right tree.

My other neighbors were a couple, Harry and Sally Non-Starter. When Harry met Sally, there had been an instant connection. They would share every aspect of their day, and their most intimate secrets. However, years later, their relationship fell apart and they became distant from one another. If one partner asked the other the simple question of “what is the matter?”, the reply was always the same.

“Don’t get me started!”

The Non-Starters heard how Dr. Burt helped the Barkers, and because of their own desperate situation, they called up Dr. Burt and made their own appointment.

They came in the next morning, and after Harry and Sally got comfortable, Dr. Burt turned to both Harry and Sally, and asked:

“Who wants to start?”

Harry and Sally both responded quickly as if each one had the same nervous tick.

“Don’t get me started!”

Dr. Burt then replied, “Excellent. Then, I will get started.”

Dr. Burt began to speak.

“You are both suffering from “Don’t Get Me Started” CrankaTsuris. However, this is from having a number of other CrankaTsurises that we have to unwrap.

While this is therapy, you have to break everything down as if you are both lawyers. Now, while most people are not lawyers, they litigate their lives and misfortunes in their head, except that it becomes a loop that just repeats itself. We will together break this loop, that has become each of your own personal addiction. You do not want to share this addiction, and that is why you both suffer from “Don’t Get Me Started CrankaTsuris, and at times, “I am Beside Myself” CrankaTsuris.

This stems from many grievances you have, and we all have them. Nobody is immune. We will put a particular grievance into the form of a trial. But, to make you see how this works, we only look at the Opening Statement and Closing Argument of a trial. We can skip everything in the middle because it these two parts of the trial that your brain focuses on.

The Opening Statement is when you describe what the evidence will show. Think about this as the promises you will make to a jury. You happen to be your own jury as well. You consider these promises to be “airtight, rock-solid, and iron-clad.”

The Closing Argument is when you tell the jury that this case is your favorite case to try. It is not because of fancy experts, or sexy issues. It is because you can rely on the common sense of the jury. Whenever you can rely on the common sense of the jury, juries always do the right thing.

Now, think of the situation litigating in your head that you have convinced yourself that you have both the promises you can keep, and the common sense as to what the outcome would be. Not only that, but you happen to be correct. Yet, the outcome is not what you expected. That is what is called “Rant and Rave” CrankaTsuris. You are furious of this complete injustice.

The next case is when you can make some promises, and the other party in a dispute can make some too. While you can create a story that has common sense, the other party can as well. That is called “Bitch and Moan” CrankaTsuris.”

Again, you do not get the result you hoped for. You are angry, and you try to create maybe a different story, or a different trial that may have ended up better. You are in the re-trial loop.

The third case is when you have less to promise and you have a very tough opposing counsel. You certainly do not get the result you desire. Here, it is called “Ham and Haw” CrankaTsuris.

You can understand why you lost the case. However, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You are not happy.

The last case is when you just know you have a loser case, and you are not very happy about that. You even understand the outcome. This is called “Mumble and Grumble” CrankaTsuris. Imagine that you are just playing poker, and just got dealt a very bad hand.

You are very lucky you both came to see me now. In some severe cases, if let untreated, it can a combination of all four CrankaTsurises at once. That person can then develop what is called “Howl and Scream” CrankaTsuris. Those people end up being medicated and some are put away in special homes where the patient spends all day long just howling and screaming. Once it gets to that point, unfortunately, there is no cure.

We need to be able to separate each of these CrankaTsurises, but most importantly, we have to be aware of the most difficult one of these four, the “Rant and Rave” CrankaTsuris. Harry, when you met Sally, there may have been little to rant and rave about, and the same for you, Sally, except the love you had for each other.

Now, what we do here is to learn how to bark up the right tree. When each of you experiences “Rant and Rave” CrankaTsuris, or even the other three, you both have to commit you will be the right tree to bark up at. You both get to be compassionate listeners, and when needed, problem-solvers as well.

With any of these four types of CrankaTsuris, they all have a story with a less than desired outcome. They are each the case you had litigating in your head. Together, you both can figure out a new case with no guaranteed outcome, but it will be one that get’s you both started.

This ultimately is the cure to “Don’t Get Me Started” CrankaTsuris.”

Harry and Sally changed their last name to the “Starters”. Nine months later, they had a beautiful baby Starter. They both learned that “starting” is something you just might need to do everyday.

It turns out that when you don’t want to get started, it just happens to be the perfect time to start!


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