Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris is one of the more peculiar kinds of CrankaTsuris. This is because there are so many different variations of this CrankaTsuris. You can go only with a Dilly Dally, or a Willy Nilly, or you can combine the two to have a Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris. Many couples can have an arrangement in which one person does the Dilly Dally and the other person goes Willy Nilly. They can take turns and switch roles. It does not matter who chooses what, but it is guaranteed that it will leave the couple with an extended CrankaTsuris.
I have personally experienced the Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris whenever I have returned home from the Ikea Furniture Store and splurged on a few “easy to assemble” furniture items. I open up the box of pieces of wood planks, an assortment of metal and plastic screws, and the easy to follow instructions. I assume that they are easy to follow because they decided that it was so easy they would not need to include actual words. All that was needed were badly drawn pictures. They also include a list of parts with the picture of each part. Even though they have thirty seven screws of different sizes, when I try to line up the screws next to the wooden planks, they all seem to be very close in size. It also always seems to me that the package has one screw missing. At that point, I go into a special box I keep exactly for this situation. It is a called the “extra screws” box that they have shelved at Ikea right by the cash register as you are about to check out. I always make sure to buy a couple of these extra screw boxes just in case. “You can never have too many screws,” I think to myself.
This is when I start to dilly dally. I look at the pictures. I look at the pieces of wood and screws that I nicely assorted. I look again at the pictures. I look again at the floor covered with my future bedroom dresser. Did I mention that I have not even started to open the boxes that contain the pieces of nightstand. I start to think to myself. “Hey, I also bought a lamp. I can put the lamp together. That can’t be so hard.” Of course, I then remember that I forgot to buy light bulbs. I then take a deep breath and just decide to go for it. I will put together the dresser. I spent two hours just organizing the parts. I should just now get to work.
Sure enough, nothing goes smoothly. I have a difficult time figuring out the difference between the pieces for the left side and the right side, the pieces for the front and the back, and the pieces for top and the bottom. They all look so alike to me. Eventually, I do not really figure it all out, but just decide for myself that it just doesn’t really matter. They all look alike so each piece must be interchangeable. It will all work out in the long run. I start to screw in the planks of wood together.
Of course, the screws do not always screw all the way in. I screw and screw and screw till the screw loses its ability to get screwed, and I can see that it is still only half way in. I then decide that if a screwdriver no longer works, certainly, a hammer will, and I begin to hammer in the screw. While I actually succeeded in hammering in the screw into the plank of wood, I realize shortly afterwards that I picked the wrong plank of wood, and use the wrong screw. I also learned that after you hammer in a screw, there is no real way to get the screw back out. The screw had lost its groove.
After five hours of doing the Dilly Dally and Willy Nilly, I experienced the Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris. The sound I made with the hammer is the feeling I now experience in my head. At that point, I was able to find a cure for my Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris. I took a couple of Tylenol pills, opened up a can of beer, and called up Ikea to make an appointment with an Ikea engineer. They sent over this engineer the very next day. He presented with me with his documents which included his PhD in engineering, and the Nobel Peace Prize he won for writing the Ikea Furniture Assembly Manual.
Within an hour, to my astonishment, all of my bedroom furniture was completely assembled. It was almost all perfect. Because of the Willy Nilly hammering performance from the day before, I had to settle for a two drawer dresser instead of three. I decided that this was well worth the price for resolving my Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris.
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As I mentioned earlier, many couples perfect the Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris as if it is a dance they will perform at an episode of Dancing with the Stars. One partner has perfected the Dilly Dally. Day after day, the other person, who makes up the other side of this fine pair, gets to witness his or her partner perfecting the Dilly Dally.
It has in fact been perfected. Partner One has so perfected this Dilly Dally that Partner One obtained a patent, copyright and a trademark for this particular Dilly Dally. Partner One believes that they have the sole and exclusive right to this particular Dilly Dally that took decades to perfect.
After a while, Partner Two finds that Partner One’s Dilly Dally is getting a bit old, and quite frankly, it is becoming quite annoying. Without warning, Partner Two decides to unleash a Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris. By the way, Partner Two also believes that this particular Willy Nilly has a patent, copyright, and a trademark, which gives Partner Two an exclusive right to unleash at a moment’s notice.
Partner One gets completely startled and upset because the Dilly Dally has been disrupted. Partner One has perfected this Dilly Dally so it is taken as a violation. The couple then begins their shouting match which is the Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris.
After they go through the first phase, Partner Two wins the battle, but not the war. Partner One agrees to temporarily suspend the Dilly Dally. Partner Two, at first, is pleased, but then quickly sees that Partner One got up from the Dilly Dally Couch, and started to do all the things that Partner Two had a fantasy that, one day, Partner One would actually do. However, Partner Two quickly realizes that Partner One is doing everything Willy Nilly. Partner Two finds Partner One’s Willy Nilly even worse than the Dilly Dally.
Out of frustration, Partner Two tells Partner One:
“You know what. Why don’t you go back to your Dilly Dally. At least, I was use to it. I just can’t take your Willy Nilly.”
Partner One, with great relief, go back to that old Dilly Dally. The war has been won.
Of course, years later, Partner Two learns to do their own Dilly Dally. As they say, if you can’t beat them, join them.
But the dance does not end there. Partner One does not know how to experience the Dilly Dally of Partner Two. Because it is so foreign, Partner One decides to go Willy Nilly.
And, that is how the dance continues.
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It turns out that children invented the Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris. Once upon a time, there was a mother of two twin kids. The mother’s name was Nervous Nelly. The son was named “Willy Nilly”, and the daughter was given the name “Dilly Dally.”
Of course, Willy Nilly would do everything Willy Nilly. Dilly Dally would spend all day just Dillying and Dallying.
When they were just toddlers, when food was placed on their plates, Willy Nilly would toss the food all over the room. Barely any of the food would reach Willy Nilly’s mouth. Dilly Dally was not much better. Food was cut up and rolled into balls or turned into a mush. Dilly Dally would then let out a CrankaTsuris protesting the mush she created on her plate.
A few years later, when Nervous Nelly instructed Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally to clean their rooms, Willy Nilly would just toss all of his clothes into a closet until it was one big pile. It became impossible to tell the difference between the clean and dirty laundry.
This was slightly better than Dilly Dally. Dilly Dally never cleaned her room. She just couldn’t get herself going. Because of this, you can never see the bedroom floor. Every inch was just completely covered by her clothes.
In school, it was even worse. Both Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally took their final exams. They both scored a zero on their exams. Because the tests were all in multiple choice, nobody ever scored a zero before. Nervous Nellie was called to come into school with both Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally and they met in the Principle’s office.
Principle: Before we decide on a plan for these two youngsters, I want to hear an explanation from both of them how they managed to score a zero. A monkey could not get a zero on these exams. Yet, both Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally somehow managed to get not a single question correct.
Willy Nilly went first.
Willy Nilly: It is all very simple. The test ask a question and then said that one of the four choices would be correct. So, I just decided to pick all four. If one of the four is the correct answer, I thought I would be guaranteed getting the answer right if I just picked all four choices. Unless all four choices were incorrect, I believe I should be getting an A plus for scoring 100%!
Principle: It does not work that way. The test measures what you have learned. And, you, Dilly Dally. You just turned in an exam that was completely blank. You did not answer a single question.
Dilly Dally: Principle. I can assure you that it was based on both moral and logical principles. I figured that everyone studied for the exam right. But, with every question, when the choices are A, B, C, or D, somebody would pick A,. Someone else would pick B. Others may pick C or D. If I picked A as my answer, I am saying that everyone who picked B, C, or D are wrong, and I think that it is just not fair to them.
Willy Nilly: That makes complete sense to me. If the teacher decides the correct answer is A, but if six out of ten students gave B as the answer, that says fifty percent of the class believes B is the correct answer. If fifty percent believe B is the right answer, maybe the right answer is B.
Principle: That would be sixty percent. Six out of ten is sixty percent.
Willy Nilly: Not if four out of ten say it is fifty percent. If four out of ten say fifty percent, that means that eighty percent believe it is fifty percent.
Dilly Dally: Willy Nilly! You are so smart!! I would have just dilly dallied trying to figure that one out.
Nervous Nellie: Can you understand why these two make me so nervous? And, they are our future! What will become of this world! We are doomed, I tell you. Doomed! Principle, you have to come up with a solution. The survival of all of humanity is at stake!!
Principle: I see what you are saying. it turns out that we have a special Institute on the other side of town that specializes with severe cases of Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally. They will have to stay at the Institute, but I can guarantee you this. The Institute has a high success rate. Also, because the future and survival of all of humanity is at stake, I believe both Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally will qualify for a scholarship.
At the Institute, Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally was given puzzles to put together, each one more difficult than the next. They were then given Leggo sets, and they ended up creating their own miniature Leggo Land. They had to cook their own food, following the recipes of many famous chefs. They were given their own chemistry sets, and they were then taught how to make their own medicine.
When Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally left the Institute, they were no longer Willy Nilly and Dilly Dally. Nervous Nelly was no longer nervous because it turned out that all of humanity was saved.
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This is where I share a story a friend told me about her dad, and it would only do it justice if I used her own words:
“My dad grew up in a one room apartment living on public assistance.
He collected comic books and sold them.
With the money he earned, he bought a chemistry set. He was ten years old at the time.
He blew a hole in the ceiling of his apartment with the chemistry set.
A passion, as well as various parts of the apartment, was ignited.
In high school, a chemistry teacher took interest in his future.
She helped him get a full scholarship to college.
He studied chemistry and engineering.
Growing up, money was tight in my family. I always wore my cousin’s old clothes which always fit kind of funny.
When I was in 5th grade, my dad started a chemcal engineeringcompany.
Money was REALLY tight.
By 9th grade, his company was building some of the largest pharmaceutical plants in the country.
I didn’t have to wear my cousin’s clothes anymore.
My dad, however, wore his old clothes. From the 1970s. He looked like John Travolta in shirts that had taken one too many spins on the disco floor.
He would wear shirts until they fell apart.
He had only one credit card. For emergencies.
He carried around a wad of cash in a rubber band.
Not a regular rubber band. A broccoli rubberband from the supermarket.
He wouldn’t waste work supplies.
We begged him to get a wallet. A money clip. Anything.
He wouldn’t. The broccoli rubber band worked. His old clothes worked. Don’t get me started on cars.
I used to say “dad, you can have any kind of car you want! What kind of car do you want?”
“A blue car”, he replied.
By the time that he had died, he had built pharmaceutical plants around the world.
He even treated himself to a blue car, paid for in cash, just like his new house.
“If you can’t buy it in cash, don’t buy it”, he would say.
He didn’t spend beyond what was tucked into that broccoli rubber band.”
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My teacher and mentor, Roshi Enkio Pat O’Hara, who runs the Village Zendo in Greenwich Village in New York City, would give dharma talks on Sunday mornings and at silent meditation retreats and always remind us of “utilizing skillful means.” When you utilize skillful means, there’s not much room for willy nilly or dilly dally. And then, when you learn to do that, you have found the cure for Dilly Dally Willy Nilly CrankaTsuris.
Just like my friend’s dad did.
