All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. When the men and the horses arrived back at the castle, and they explained to both the King and the Queen that they had failed in their mission, both the King and Queen responded in disgusted disbelief.
“You know, this isn’t rocket science!” said the King.
“You know, this isn’t brain surgery!” said the Queen. “And, tell me again. Why did we need all those horses?” asked the Queen.
While it was quite complicated to actually put Humpty Dumpty’s eggshell body back together again, these two phrases continued on and has been used by many over the centuries. However, rather than making these comments over complicated tasks, it has been used more often when a person fails in the most simplest of tasks. This ends up creating what is called “Rocket Science CrankaTsuris.” While this type of CrankaTsuris may be fleeting for the person who makes the criticism, it is a more dangerous form of CrankaTsuris for the person who receives it. This person, who is being told essentially that he or she has failed in the most simplest of tasks, may then be afflicted with a “Why bother to do anything CrankaTsuris”, and that may result long lasting and unintended consequences.
We learn this lesson in the continuing saga of Herbie Snoodleman and Sour Croodleman. This was in a world where the sky was always blue, and the air was always clean. Everyone was always happy. Everybody loved their Snoodle which ran on noodles, and not only was it the preferred mode of transportation, it also provided everyone with a delicious dinner when they came home from a long day of work.
The Snoodle, which was the brainchild of Herbie Snoodleman, replaced the Krautmoblie. The Krautmobile had been invented by Sour Croodleman, and ran solely on sauerkraut. This made the Krautmobile rather stinky, and everyone particularly cranky. However, when the Snoodle took over, Sour Croodleman went quickly out of business.
Sour did open up a very successful cafe called the Weiner Schnoodle Cafe. It was named after a poodle named Schnoodle soon after Sour discovered that poodles loved sauerkraut. Sour even got his own poodle named Schmoodle, who was the happiest poodle on the planet. You see. Schmoodle was provided with an endless supply of sauerkraut.
What was not known to the general public was the fact that Herbie Snoodleman and Sour Croodleman were brothers. Sour stopped talking to Herbie after Herbie’s Snoodle empire put Sour out of business, and for a while made him quite an unpopular figure.
Herbie and Sour had a third brother. His name was Norman Noodle. Norman Noodle and his wife, Sally Stroodle, ran the most popular pastry shop in all the land. It was called the Stroodle Noodle Patisserie, and it featured Norman’s Noodle Pie, and Sally’s delicious Stroodle Noodle Cake.
They had two kids. Their daughter was named Briana Brainy Broodle. Their son was named Ricky Rockadoodle.
The parents tried to teach their kids the secrets to making delicious pies and cakes out of noodles. But no matter how many times they tried, the kids showed no interest, and could not ever get it right. Sally Stroodle would complain to Briana Brainy Broodle; “You know. This isn’t brain surgery!” Norman Noodle would scold Ricky Rockadoodle, “You know. This isn’t rocket science!”
In fact, this became the two common refrains in the Noodle Stroodle household. If any task was not completed to their satisfaction, Sally Stroodle would say “You know. This isn’t brain surgery!” Norman Noodle would say “You know. This isn’t rocket science!”
However, Briana Brainy Broodle’s true passion was brain surgery. Ricky Rockadoodle was very interested in rocket science. They also had two of the best teachers; their two uncles Herbie Snoodleman and Sour Croodleman.
Brianna would go to her Uncle Herbie’s house, and he would explain how he came to inventing the Snoodle.
Herbie Snoodleman: For years, I did all these brain operations. I finally realized that the brain was not so different than a bowl of macaroni and cheese. I also realized that when people said that they were using their noodle, they were really talking about brain power. I then thought if noodles provide the intelligence for our brains, perhaps, it can be applied to modes of transportation. After years in my laboratory, the Snoodle was born. It is because the noodle brain detects the smell of noodles in the air, the Snoodle provides the ultimate happiness.
Briana Brainy Broodle: One day, I want to be a great brain surgeon like you!
Herbie Snoodleman: Thank you, my dear. Right now, I am working on a Snoodle that can achieve space travel. I call it the Snoodle Zoomadoodle. While it can go past the Earth’s atmosphere, unfortunately, I have not been able to create the necessary speed to achieve travel into other galaxies.
Brianna comforted her Uncle with a hug. “You can do anything, Uncle Herbie!”
Ricky Rockadoodle would love to visit his Uncle Sour at the Weiner Snoodle Cafe. When the café was closed, Uncle Sour would take Ricky Rockadoodle to the back of his café, and show off his next great invention.
Sour Croodleman: This is my greatest invention ever. I call it the Prickly Peppered Purple Propulsion Powered Pickle! I started with just a simple Propulsion Powered Pickle which you can just stick in any Snoodle. But, with the Prickly Peppered Purple Propulsion Powered Pickle, we can achieve space travel ten times faster than the speed of light! Think of it! We will now be able explore galaxies far beyond our own. Unfortunately, there is just one little problem.
Ricky Rockadoodle: What is the problem, Uncle Sour?
Sour Croodleman: In my tests, the Prickly Peppered Purple Propulsion Powered Pickle will only work with a Snoodle-type vehicle. And, no matter what, I will never work with that brother of mine after what he did to my reputation.
Ricky Rockadoodle: Well, I think you are the Cooldleman of the two uncles, and one day, I will be a great rocket scientist just like you.
Sour Croodleman beamed as he was feeding his poodle, Schmoodle, a bowl of sauerkraut.
One day, Briana Brainy Broodle and Ricky Rockadoodle came home from school, and found a note waiting for them at home. It said:
“We have abducted your parents, and they are now safe on our spaceship, the Zoodle Kidoodle. We are from the planet, Zoodle. Once your parents perform brain surgery on our leader, Cloodle the Grand Roodle, and make repairs to our rockets on the Zoodle Kidoodle Spaceship, they will be returned safe and sound. Meanwhile, you can observe your parents by simply going to our website – www.Zoodle.gov/the abduction/livestream.
PS. Your mom says that there is Stroodle Noodle Cake in the fridge.”
Meanwhile, on the Zoodle Kidoodle, Evil Kidoodle was welcoming Norman Noodle and Sally Stroodle .
Evil Kidoodle: You are now on our spaceship, the Zoodle Kidoodle. My name is Evil Kidoodle. My associates here are Voodoo Kidoodle, DooDoo Kidoodle, and Doctor Quack Kidoodle. The reason we brought you here is that for centuries, the Zoodles had the greatest brain surgeons and rocket scientists in the galaxy. Unfortunately, they were proud and a bit arrogant. When they looked at anyone else’s accomplishments, they would just poo-poo and say “You know. It isn’t brain surgery.”, and “You know. It isn’t rocket science.” Soon, everyone became afraid to become brain surgeons or rocket scientists, and now, we have none left.
Norman Noodle: What does that have to do with us?
Evil Kidoodle: We have monitored many planets, and we learned that both of you like to say the same thing about brain surgery and rocket scientists. So, we determined that you two, just like on our planet centuries ago, possess the knowlege of brain surgery and rocket science. The rockets on our spaceship are failing and we cannot return to Zoodle until they are fixed.
Doctor Quack Kidoodle: Also, our great leader, Cloodle the Grand Roodle, unfortunately has come down with a rare disease of the brain. It is called Genius Brain. This is similar to what you humans call Athlete’s feet. It is a fungus on the brain. First, the person afflicted shows superior genius mental powers but the brain then just fizzles out. I am afraid that Cloodle the Grand Roodle of the Planet Zoodle is now just a Wackadoodle. Here. You can both view him on the giant monitor. You can see him in our rubber room of our spaceship.
Cloodle the Grand Roodle did appear to be a bit of a Wackadoodle. He was just sitting on the floor dressed in diapers, doodling with crayons, and just muttering “bah, bah, bah, bah.”
Sally Stroodle: But we do not know anything about brain surgery or rocket science. We are just simple bakers! It is just a saying we use. You have to let us go. You made a big mistake!
Evil Kidoodle: We thought you may be reluctant. This is why we have placed above over the atmosphere of your planet Earth four giant Vaccudoodles. We use vacuudoodles to vacuum valuable resources from other planets that allow Zoodles to thrive. We have put a setting on the Vacuudoodles to vacuum all of the noodles on your planet until it is left completely and utterly noodleless. Unless you agree to comply, we will begin the noodle vacuum process in 48 hours. And for the fate of you two, Voodoo Kidoodle will explain.
Voodoo Kidoodle: I have two dolls. One is named Norman Noodle. The other, I have named Sally Stroodle. I have in my hand a wet noodle. I take this wet noodle and go tickle, tickle, tickle.
Both Norman Noodle and Sally Stroodle started to laugh uncontrollably. Voodoo Kidoodle then abruptly stopped. The laughing stopped as well.
Voodoo Kidoodle: Now, if you do not comply, I have some spaghetti that it uncooked and a bit stiff. If I poke the spaghetti through the two dolls, both of you will be feeling a bit more than just heartburn.
Norman Noodle: You got us. I am a rocket scientist and Sally is in fact a brain surgeon. But, we are not the most brilliant.
Sally Stroodle: Norman, what are you saying?
Norman: Excuse my wife. While we possess the knowledge, we are not the best. We also need both tools and assistance. We have to summon our two kids, and my two brothers, Herbie Snoodleman, and Sour Croodleman. They even have some new technology that even we do not know about. You deserve only the best. I assure you. They are the best you can find in the galaxy.
Evil Croodleman: We will give you back your phones, and you can make contact. They can come up to our spaceship in a Snoodle equipped for space travel. But, they have to arrive in 48 hours. Also, you may ask what is that awful smell.
Sally Stroodle: It did cross our mind.
Evil Kidoodle: It is DooDoo Kidoodle. DooDoo does not do much, but we Zoodles like the smell. We understand that, for Earthlings, he smells a bit like DooDoo. DooDoo Kidoodle will stand on guard.
After three of the Zoodles left the room, even before they were able to call their kids, Briana Brainy Broodle and Ricky Rockadoodle called their parents.
Briana Brainy Broodle: We saw everything on the Livestream. I am going over right now to Uncle Herbie. Ricky will go over to Uncle Sour. With the planet at stake, we will get them back together and be up with you in a flash.
Ricky Rockadoodle: Uncle Sour will go for this. With the Prickly Peppered Purple Propulsion Powered Pickle, we will zoom to the Zoodle Kidoodle in no time!
Sally Stroodle: Please hurry! It smells like a big doo doo up here!!
Briana Brainy Broodle and Ricky Rockadoodle quickly sped off in their KidSnoodles to see their uncles.
Briana Brainy Broodle explained the dire situation to his Uncle Herbie.
Herbie Snoodleman: I am afraid to say that the only way we can get up to the Zoodle Zoomadoodle Spaceship in time is if we can get a Snoodle powered with the Prickly Peppered Purple Propulsion Powered Pickle, I understand your Uncle Sour just invented. Your Uncle Sour will never agree to help.
At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Sure enough, there stood Ricky Rockadoodle, Sour Croodleman, and his poodle, Schmoodle.
Sour Croodleman: I hear that somebody needs some pickles for a little trip. I also packed some sandwiches!
Together with Schmoodle the Poodle, the four ran out to the special Snoodle that was developed for space travel. Sour Croodleman inserted one of his special prickly pickles, and in a flash, they blasted off into space and quickly were able to land on the Zoodle Kidoodle.
Herbie Snoodleman and Briana Brainy Broodle were led to see Cloodle the Grand Roodle of the planet Zoodle. A table was set up and Cloodle the Grand Roodle was placed on the table. Herbie Snoodleman turned to Briana Brainy Broodle.
Herbie Snoodleman: You will do this operation.
Briana Brainy Broodle: Only with you help, Uncle Herbie!
They opened up Cloodle the Roodle’s head, and they quickly went to work.
Briana Brainy Broodle was in control.
Briana Brainy Broodle: Linguini.
Briana Brainy Broodle: A few raviolis.
Briana Brainy Broodle: A bowl of macaroni and cheese.
Briana Brainy Broodle: Angel hair for the stiching.
After a couple of hours, Cloodle the Grand Roodle was all stitched up and resting.
Meanwhile, in the engineering room of the spaceship, Ricky Rockadoodle and Sour Croodleman were both fast as work.
Ricky Rockadoodle: I followed exactly what you told me. The jalapeno peppers made this pickle particularly purple and prickly!
Sour Croodleman: I am so proud of you!!
After the success of Briana Brainy Broodle and Ricky Rockadoodle, everyone was united together where Norman Noodle and Sally Stroodle were being held captive. There were hugs all around. However, this was interrupted when all the Zoodles entered the room led by Cloodle the Grand Roodle of the planet Zoodle.
Cloodle the Grand Roodle: I want to personally thank you for successfully repairing my brain. Our engineers have checked the engines with the prickly peppered pickles you put installed, and have advised us that we are now able to go back to our planet, Zoodle. We have now removed the Vacuudoodles from the Earth’s atmosphere, and the Earth can keep all of its noodles.
Norman Noodle: So, we can all go home now.
Cloodle the Grand Roodle: I am afraid that is not possible. You see. We will need your services to help train other Zoodles to be brain surgeons and rocket scientists. Plus, I did get a chance to taste both the noodle pie and the stroodle noodle cake. They were both so delicious. We will need training for that as well.
Sally Stroodle: How long will you require us to perform this training?
Cloodle the Grand Roodle: It will not be long. After 100 years, we will return all of you back to your planet.
Briana and Ricky: 100 years!!! We will miss out on high school!!
Cloodle the Grand Roodle: Except for the Poodle named Schmoodle. You see. On the planet Zoodle, we do not allow pets.
Cloodle the Grand Roodle then turned to DooDoo Kidoodle and instructed to take Schoodle the Poodle and put him back in the Snoodle. DooDoo Kidoodle then picked up Schmoodle the Poodle. However, Schmoodle the Poodle loved the smell of DooDoo Kidoodle. Once he was picked up, Schmoodle the Poodle started licking DooDoo Kidoodle uncontrollably. Schmoodle the Poodle then jumped out of DooDoo Kidoodle’s arms and started going into a spinning happy dance. Fumes of sauerkraut coming from Shmoodle the Poodle formed into a cloud over the Zoodles. All the Zoodles, who were not used to the smell of sauerkraut, quickly all fell asleep.
Sour Croodleman: That’s a good Schmoodle!
Herbie Snoodleman: Back to the Snoodle!
They all jumped into the Snoodle, and before any of the Zoodles regained consciousness, they escaped from the Zoodle Kidoodle spaceship, and were quickly back on Earth.
Two weeks later, Briana Brainy Broodle and Ricky Rockadoodle were both presented with keys to the City for their heroism in saving the planet.
When asked whether they found it difficult to save a planet, Briana Briany Broodle simply said “It was a piece of cake!” Ricky Rockadoodle followed up with “It was easy as pie!”
Then, someone asked where Herbie Snoodleman and Sour Croodleman were. Nobody knew exactly.
You see. Hebrie Snoodleman and Sour Croodleman were already back in space together on their next great adventure!
Five years later, Sour Croodleman opened up the Prickly Peppered Purple Propulsion Powered Pickle Museum of Space Exploration.
It quickly became the hottest ticket in town!