I Have Told You A Million Times CrankaTsuris

🎙️ Generations of Grumbles
Episode 13: “I Have Told You A Million Times CrankaTsuris”
Starring Debbie, Morty, Max, Zoe, Barry, Tina, Jake, Sylvia “The Echo” Feinstein, Princess Tsuris the cat, and Schmutzy the dog

[INTRO MUSIC: Klezmer with a dramatic sigh, a door slam, and a chorus of “I told you so” in harmony]

DEBBIE (narrating):
Welcome back to Generations of Grumbles, the podcast where repetition isn’t just a habit—it’s a family legacy.
Today’s episode: I Have Told You A Million Times CrankaTsuris.
Because in this house, instructions echo louder than opinions.

📣 Segment 1: Debbie’s Daily Repetition
[SFX: Alarm clock, coffee brewing, dramatic sigh]

DEBBIE:
Every morning, I say:
“Put your dishes in the dishwasher.”
Every afternoon, I find a cereal bowl in the bathroom.
Every evening, I say:
“Don’t leave wet towels on the floor.”
Every night, I trip over a damp towel that smells like betrayal.

JAKE:
I thought the dishwasher was decorative.

DEBBIE:
I thought you were kidding.
You weren’t.

🧓 Segment 2: Morty’s Memory Lane

MORTY:
I’ve told you a million times—don’t touch the thermostat.
It’s set to “brisket preservation mode.”

TINA:
It’s 82 degrees in here.

MORTY:
Perfect for pastrami and passive aggression.

🧃 Segment 3: Max’s Sanitizer Sermon

MAX:
I’ve told you a million times—sanitize before you snack.
Schmutzy licked the hummus. Again.

SCHMUTZY (barking):
Woof! It was organic!

MAX:
So are germs.
And regret.

🧁 Segment 4: Zoe’s Sticker Situation

ZOE:
I’ve told you a million times—stickers go on paper, not pets.

DEBBIE:
Princess Tsuris is covered in glittery stars and a sticker that says “I’m a good noodle.”

PRINCESS TSURIS (meowing):
Meow. Translation: “I’m suing.”

📊 Segment 5: Tina’s Spreadsheet of Repetition

TINA:
I’ve logged every time someone ignored my advice.
It’s color-coded.
Red means “completely ignored.”
Orange means “pretended to listen.”
Green means “accidentally followed instructions.”

DEBBIE:
There’s one green entry.
It’s from 2017.
It was Schmutzy.
He sat when told.

📢 Segment 6: Sylvia “The Echo” Feinstein Arrives

[SFX: Door creaks open, megaphone feedback]

SYLVIA:
I HAVE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES—AND I’LL TELL YOU AGAIN!
Put the hummus in a sealed container!
Don’t touch the thermostat!
And stickers are not fashion accessories for felines!

BARRY (whispering):
She’s louder than the microwave during Passover.

SYLVIA:
I said it at brunch, I said it at Barry’s birthday, and I said it during the brisket emergency of 2018!

ZOE:
I’m making a sticker that says “Sylvia Said So.”

PRINCESS TSURIS (hissing):
Meow. Translation: “I’m filing a restraining order.”

MORTY:
I pretend not to hear her, but she’s right.
Don’t tell her I said that.

SYLVIA:
I heard that! I hear everything! I’m like Alexa, but judgmental!

🧓 Segment 7: Barry’s Philosophical Echo

BARRY:
I’ve told you a million times—silence is golden.
Also, toast is just warm bread.
Also, I’m not repeating myself anymore.

DEBBIE:
He’s said that 47 times this week.

SYLVIA:
Make it 48! I’ve got it logged in my laminated list!

BARRY:
I’m consistent.
Like oatmeal.
But with less flavor.

🎙️ Twist Ending
[SFX: Doorbell, dramatic pause, collective groan]

DEBBIE:
Just as I was about to lose it, a package arrived.
Inside: a plaque that said,
“I HAVE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES.”
No sender. No receipt.
Just truth.

SYLVIA:
I ordered it.
I got a bulk discount.

MORTY:
I want one for the thermostat.

SCHMUTZY (barking):
Woof! I want one for the hummus!

PRINCESS TSURIS (meowing):
Meow. Translation: “I already told you.”

🎙️ Outro

DEBBIE:
So what’s the moral?
In every family, repetition is tradition.
Instructions are ignored.
Advice is recycled.
And someone always touches the thermostat.
But if you can survive saying the same thing a million times…
You can survive anything.
Even brunch.

[OUTRO MUSIC: Klezmer with a looping “I told you so” chant and a kazoo solo]

DEBBIE:
Next time on Generations of Grumbles: “Vacation Planning CrankaTsuris.”
Spoiler: Morty wants a casino buffet. Zoe wants a glitter museum.
Barry just wants silence.
And toast.
That’s not warm bread—it’s a lifestyle