What happens when everybody is on their soapbox, but nobody listens or even cares?
Then it’s officially elevated and emotionally ignored, Cranksters!
🎙️ Episode 120: “Everybody Is On Their Soapbox CrankaTsuris” is the Grumbleverse’s tribute to passionate declarations, laminated platforms, and the family-wide belief that if you shout your truth from a soapbox… someone might pretend to listen.
Birdie squawks from a brisket-shaped podium labeled “Emotional Rant Station,” declaring:
“EVERYBODY IS ON THEIR SOAPBOX — AND NOBODY’S LISTENING!”
🎙️ Episode 120: “Everybody Is On Their Soapbox CrankaTsuris”
Tagline: The soapboxes were sturdy. The opinions were loud. And the audience was brisket.
[00:00–00:30] INTRO MUSIC
SFX: Boxes thump. Brisket sighs. Birdie squawks.
MUSIC: Ranty klezmer remix of The Declaration Waltz — every chorus ends with “I said it loudly, therefore it mattered!”
[00:30–03:00] OPENING MONOLOGUE
DEBBIE (narrating):
Steven… this is the episode where every Grumble climbs a soapbox, declares their truth, and ignores everyone else’s.
Sylvia says “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.”
Barry graphs “Volume vs. Validity.”
Shayna dances “I emotionally agreed but physically wandered off.”
Grandpa Herschel mutters “I laminated my soapbox.”
And Birdie squawks “EVERYBODY IS ON THEIR SOAPBOX — AND NOBODY’S LISTENING!”
[03:00–07:00] Segment 1: Sylvia’s Elevated Truth
SYLVIA:
I climbed the box. I declared my feelings. I laminated my outrage.
BARRY:
You laminated your assumptions.
SHAYNA:
You emotionally footnoted your volume.
BIRDIE:
“SOAPBOXES AREN’T CONVERSATIONS — THEY’RE JUST VERBAL BRISKET!”
[07:00–11:00] Segment 2: Barry’s Volume Graph
BARRY:
Column A: Volume.
Column B: Validity.
Column C: Emotional Echo.
Column D: Brisket Resonance.
SYLVIA:
You graphed your soapbox.
SHAYNA:
You used a font called “Rant Sans.”
BIRDIE:
“GRAPHS DON’T MAKE IT TRUE — THEY JUST MAKE IT LOOK LOUDER!”
[11:00–15:00] Segment 3: Shayna’s Interpretive Drift
SHAYNA:
I danced “I emotionally agreed but physically wandered off.”
TINA:
You wore a banner labeled “Symbolic Disengagement.”
SHAYNA:
It matched my brisket.
BARRY:
You twirled in laminated apathy.
BIRDIE:
“BRISKET ISN’T A SOAPBOX — IT’S A DISTRACTION!”
[15:00–19:00] Segment 4: Grandpa Herschel’s Laminated Platform
GRANDPA HERSCHEL:
I laminated my soapbox.
SYLVIA:
You laminated your stubbornness.
GRANDPA HERSCHEL:
I brought a compass to a monologue.
SHAYNA:
You used it to locate emotional elevation.
BIRDIE:
“COMPASSES DON’T POINT TO DIALOGUE — THEY JUST SPIN IN THE CRANKATSURIS!”
[19:00–23:00] 📦 NEW FAMILY SOAPBOX SYSTEMS
🧃 Cousin Bev:
Brews kombucha labeled “Rant Fuel.”
Serves it in mugs shaped like podiums.
📣 Uncle Morty:
Reads a scroll titled “Things I Said Loudly That Nobody Responded To.”
It’s embossed. Indexed. Ignored.
🎨 Aunt Goldie:
Unveils a painting titled “Still Life with Elevated Indifference.”
It’s a brisket sitting on a soapbox.
The soapbox is laminated.
[23:00–27:00] 🎧 SPONSOR PARODY SEGMENT
VOICEOVER:
This episode is brought to you by SoapBoxify™ — the emotional clarity app that lets you shout your truth into a void.
Also sponsored by Laminated Rhetoric™ — because in this family, every opinion deserves a platform… even if nobody’s listening.
[27:00–30:00] CLOSING MONOLOGUE
DEBBIE (narrating):
In this family, everyone’s elevated.
Nobody’s engaged.
And brisket is symbolic.
So next time someone says “I just need to say this…”
Just squawk louder. Birdie does.
SFX: Box thumps. Brisket sighs. Birdie squawks with laminated conviction.
