DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. THIS IS MY LIFE CRANKATSURIS”
Chapter 1: The Declaration of Cranky Independence
Meet Jordan. Jordan was a grown adult. A full-fledged, tax-paying, coffee-drinking, laundry-folding human being. And yet, every time someone said, “You should really…” or “Have you tried…” or “What you need to do is…”—Jordan’s CrankaTsuris would ignite like a Fourth of July sparkler in a fireworks factory.
Jordan’s internal monologue would scream:
“Don’t tell me what to do! This is MY life!”
Even if the advice was helpful. Even if it was kind. Even if it was literally the thing Jordan was already doing.
Chapter 2: The Advice Avalanche
It started with small things.
- “You should really drink more water.”
- “You should try yoga.”
- “You should stop doomscrolling at 2 a.m.”
Then came the unsolicited life coaching:
- “You should quit your job and follow your passion.”
- “You should write a book.”
- “You should move to Portugal.”
Jordan didn’t want to move to Portugal. Jordan wanted to eat cereal in peace.
Chapter 3: The Cranky Confrontation
One day, Jordan snapped. At brunch. (Because of course it was brunch.)
Jordan’s cousin, Lila, said, “You know what you should do—”
And Jordan stood up, dramatically, holding a mimosa like a microphone.
“Don’t tell me what to do. This is my life. I have earned the right to make my own mistakes, ignore my own advice, and spiral in my own unique way!”
The table went silent. Even the avocado toast looked stunned.
Chapter 4: The Cranky Awakening
Later that week, Jordan visited their wise neighbor, Mr. Feldman, who had a PhD in Mind-Your-Own-Business Studies.
Jordan vented. Mr. Feldman listened. Then he said:
“You know, sometimes people give advice because they care. But you don’t have to take it. You just have to decide what’s yours to carry.”
Jordan blinked. “So I can say thank you… and still do whatever I want?”
Mr. Feldman smiled. “Exactly. That’s the grown-up superpower.”
Chapter 5: The CrankaTsuris Rebrand
Jordan started practicing a new response:
- “Thanks for the suggestion.”
- “I’ll think about that.”
- “Interesting idea.”
- “Noted.” (With a smile that said, “I will absolutely not be doing that.”)
And just like that, the CrankaTsuris softened. Jordan didn’t stop being cranky—but now it came with boundaries, confidence, and a laminated “My Life, My Rules” card in their wallet.
Moral of the Story:
“Don’t Tell Me What To Do CrankaTsuris” is the anthem of anyone reclaiming their autonomy. Advice is optional. Your life is yours. And sometimes, the crankiest thing you can do… is calmly say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
🎙️ Podcast Title: Generations of Grumble
🎧 Episode 6: Don’t Tell Me What To Do. This Is My Life CrankaTsuris – The Rebellion Within
🎵 [Intro Music: A dramatic guitar riff followed by a defiant record scratch]
🎙️ ZOE (Host, age 9):
Welcome back to Generations of Grumble, the podcast where crankiness is a lifestyle, not a phase. I’m Zoe, your Gen Alpha host, and today’s episode is for anyone who’s ever screamed inside their head—or out loud—“Don’t tell me what to do!”
🎙️ MORTY (Grandpa, 87):
Back in my day, we didn’t say “Don’t tell me what to do.” We just ignored you and did it our way anyway.
🎙️ DEBBIE (Mom, 58):
Dad, you once told your doctor you’d treat your cholesterol “with brisket and prayer.”
🎙️ JAKE (Millennial, 28):
And I’m Jake, here to talk about the CrankaTsuris that flares up when advice feels like an ambush. Welcome to the world of “Don’t Tell Me What To Do. This Is My Life CrankaTsuris.”
🎙️ ZOE:
Let’s dive into the rebellion.
🙅♂️ Segment 1: The Advice Avalanche
🎙️ DEBBIE:
“You should really drink more water.”
“You should try yoga.”
“You should stop yelling at the toaster.”
🎙️ MORTY:
I’ll yell at the toaster if I want to. It burned my bagel. That’s personal.
🎙️ JAKE:
I once got told to “just relax” during a panic attack. That’s like telling a volcano to “chill.”
🎙️ ZOE:
I was told to “smile more” at school. I’m nine. I’m not running for office.
🧠 Segment 2: Why We Get Cranky About Control
🎙️ JAKE:
This CrankaTsuris isn’t just about advice. It’s about autonomy. It’s about wanting to steer your own ship—even if it’s into a storm.
🎙️ DEBBIE:
It’s the crankiness that comes from feeling like your life is being narrated by someone else.
🎙️ MORTY:
And sometimes, you just want to make your own mistakes. Preferably in peace. And with snacks.
🎙️ ZOE:
Even if I mess up, I want it to be my mess. Not someone else’s idea of a “learning opportunity.”
🎭 Segment 3: The Sheldon Saga, Part II
🎙️ ZOE:
Remember Uncle Sheldon? The fog machine guy? He’s back. And this time, he’s being told to “tone it down.”
🎙️ DEBBIE:
He tried. For five minutes. Then he brought a karaoke machine to a baby shower.
🎙️ JAKE:
But eventually, he found his balance. He learned to say, “Thanks for the suggestion,” while doing the exact opposite.
🎙️ MORTY:
That’s called maturity. Or stubbornness. Same thing.
🧁 Segment 4: Cranky Wisdom of the Week
🎙️ DEBBIE:
You don’t have to take every piece of advice. You just have to decide what’s yours to carry.
🎙️ JAKE:
You can say “thank you” and still do whatever you want. That’s the grown-up superpower.
🎙️ MORTY:
And if someone tells you how to live your life, just nod, smile, and go eat a sandwich.
🎙️ ZOE:
Because at the end of the day, it’s your life. Your rules. Your CrankaTsuris.
🎵 [Outro Music: A triumphant ukulele strum with a rebellious kazoo solo]
🎙️ ZOE:
Thanks for joining us for Don’t Tell Me What To Do. This Is My Life CrankaTsuris! If you liked this episode, leave us a five-star review—or don’t. It’s your life.
🎙️ ALL TOGETHER:
Stay cranky, and do it your way!
