Time to Crack the CrankaTsuris Riddles
The book, “The Last Surviving Dinosaur: The TyrantoCrankaTsuris” answers two questions that have been puzzling generations of people for thousands of years. First, what is with this absolute obsession with dinosaurs that humans have with dinosaurs in the first place, and second, why are humans the only species that actually come into this world crying like a baby? Yes. I know. They are babies.
But, let’s take the first question. Why are humans so obsessed with dinosaurs in the first place? More than any other creature around. And, they are extinct! Why not an elephant? Have you ever seen an elephant up close? They are adorable!! And, it you feed them peanuts, it is just the cutest thing possible watching them take their trunk and inhale those peanuts.
Now, dinosaurs are loud, they have huge teeth, really bad breath, and you would never let your child feed a dinosaur a peanut! That is the size of their entire brain! You try to give a dinosaur a peanut, and know what happens? They think you are really holding their brain, and they just swallow you and the peanut whole. Except that they use you for dental floss.
And, even worse, dinosaurs have names that are so hard to remember! Do you know that there are over 700 different species of dinosaurs! That is right!! Over 700!! Here are a couple of dinosaurs that begin with the letter “A”. Abelisaurus, Achelousaurus, Acrocanthosaurus which are just three. But, there are thirty-seven dinosaurs that have names that begin with the letter “A.”
Elephant. Nice. Easy. Simple. And like I said. Adorable.
Now, with the second question. There are no other species that come out of a mother’s womb, or out of a shell, and starts weeping uncontrollably. Humans are the only ones who enter this world, and there first words are “NOOOOO!!! Put me back in!!! Why is so bright?!! Who took off my clothes? Who knows some good curse words to teach me? I am calling 911 and my lawyer!!”
There are other animals I can understand if they had that reaction. Chickens are one, for example. They come out of the shell, and immediately, they notice that they are all packed in, there is no social distancing at all, and many of them are given names like “Rotisserie”. Parents should never be naming their children “Rotisserie.”
And, we humans do not stop when we just get out. We have the terrible twos and the terrible threes, and by the way, the age of thirteen ain’t a picnic either. The bar mitzvah preparation is not worth the party!!
But, the answer to these two questions are quite simple, and they are the same. We all come from two little dinosaurs that paleontologists did not even know about until a few years ago. The TyrantoCrankaTsuris, and her partner, The TyrantoKvetchaTsuris. For my book, I put together a team of the top scientific minds, and we discovered that certain DNA from these two dinosaurs, and humans are identical. A perfect match!!
So, these special dinosaurs are the ancestors of all of humanity. So, unlike the elephant, these two dinosaurs are truly our great great great greatest grandparents. They roamed the planet letting out their ferocious CrankaTsuris and KvetchaTsuris. They did not have to wait for a pandemic! So, when a baby is born, they instinctively cry out to their ancient relatives. And, it is from our family lineage that we start from birth to begin to embrace our obsession with these amazing creatures.
“So, we learned to be careful not to express our inner TyrantoCrankaTsuris or TyrantoKvetchaTsuris too often. Just the right amount to keep the planet happy and not too cranky!!”