The true definition of a “CrankaTsuris” is the voicing of every single grievance you may have had from the very moment you came out of your mother’s womb.  It includes not only the unresolved grievances which may trouble you at that very moment, but since you are on a roll, you throw in all the grievances that you no longer have, the ones that have been completely resolved, those you may have even forgot about, and of course, the ones you didn’t even know existed.

The other interesting thing about a pure unadulterated CrankaTsuris is that you let out the CrankaTsuris without any belief, thought or expectation that by the mere release of a good old fashioned CrankaTsuris, all your problems will be resolved.  You have no confidence that by releasing the CrankaTsuris that you will be completely heard, and understood.  In fact, it is your previous experience that whenever you release a CrankaTsuris, your CrankaTsuris is completely ignored, you get scolded for having the CrankaTsuris in the first place, or you get into a CrankaTsuris competition with your loved ones at home.  If you get into such a competition, it always happens that you end up on the losing side.

Because you feel the need to release a CrankaTsuris, and this experience does not give you the satisfaction you actually desire from your CrankaTsuris release, you come up with the idea of hiring a professional.  You call up a therapist, make the appointment, and because you have agreed to pay this person handsomely, he or she has agreed to listen to your CrankaTsuris for forty-five minutes.

You are ready.  You get there on time, and the therapist asks you “what is bothering you?” or “tell me exactly what it is that is on your mind?”  “Yes!!  Perfect question!!!  This therapist is good!!”; you think to yourself, and for the next forty-five minutes, you let out the best CrankaTsuris, all built up inside you.  You are excited about the release of this CrankaTsuris, and the much-anticipated help you are going to get.  Finally, you exhale and give the floor to the therapist.

The therapist replies:  “That is certainly quite a lot that you are bringing in.  Now, when you say all of that, how does that make you feel?”  The therapist then interrupts her own question and says: “Oh, I am sorry.  We have run out of time.  We can explore all of that next week.”

You walk out a bit flustered.  You think to yourself “exactly what just happened in there.”  “Did I walk in and see the only therapist who happened to have CrankaTsuris virgin ears?”  Did I somehow transform myself into Charlie Brown and land inside the Peanuts comic strip in the Sunday papers, and I was talking to my sister, Lucy?” “I just poured out of my soul for forty-five minutes straight what I consider to be artisanal, handcrafted, certified grade A, world-class, award-winning CrankaTsuris, and is the question “how does that make you feel?” a multiple-choice question?”

For everyone who has experienced the common CrankaTsuris, I want to share with everyone something that should not be considered a newsflash.  This is not a multiple-choice question. A CrankaTsuris does not feel good.  The fact of the matter is that it feels depressing, irritating, annoying, and agitating.  And how does it feel to listen to someone’s CrankaTsuris? Not much better. It feels depressing, irritating, annoying, and agitating. In fact, this is probably the reason that this therapist charged you so much in the first place!

Reading this, you may be thinking: “Wait a second. You are all about this effective crankiness thing. You have this CrankaTsuris Method you are trying to get me all hooked on. I am getting a bit confused, not to mention a bit depressed, irritated, annoyed and agitated!”

I understand. But, remember. The CrankaTsuris has been around for millions and millions of years since the last surviving dinosaur; the TyrantoCrankaTsuris.  Even though it has been around for millions of years, the CrankaTsuris itself has only recently been discovered. Now, that we have finally discovered and understood the CrankaTsuris, and know that it happens to afflict every human being on the planet, we are better able to treat it and minimize its paralyzing effects on the human psyche.

Remember the therapist that ends the session asking the question about how does this makes you feel.  We are encouraged to verbalize our feelings; “I feel angry. I feel depressed.” Yes.  This is very helpful information for the therapist who happens to be the only one with CrankaTsuris virgin ears. But, this will make not you feel better.

Calling it a CrankaTsuris may help. You get to strip away the title of “angry” next to the person.  You get to strip away the title of “depressed” next to the person. You are just a “person” who happens to have a CrankaTsuris, and it is something that we all have in common. Think about it. Do you want the doctor to tell you that you have this very rare incurable disease or something that everyone gets, and if you get some rest and treatment, it should go away? How does it go away? Since the CrankaTsuris is something that is universally shared, it begins with empathy for ourselves, and it ends with empathy for others.

And, with all of that empathy circling around us, the CrankaTsuris can slowly disappear.