How to Be a CrankaTsuris(™) Doctor?
There are times when you may need to be a “CrankaTsuris Lawyer.” but when it comes to partners and family well-being, it is more important to learn how to be a CrankaTsuris Doctor.”
Think of the Common CrankaTsuris being more common than the Common Cold. Most people get a common cold maybe once or twice a year, but the Common CrankaTsuris may be something you get three or four times a day.
And, there are always those beloved family members and friends who will volunteer the information that they are very special because they never catch a cold. Imagine the person who tells you that they never have a CrankaTsuris. The response would be:
“Yes. That is because you had a very successful lobotomy operation and by the way, I need to get the name of your doctor because I am thinking of getting the procedure myself!”
Because the Common CrankaTsuris is the most common of all ailments that afflict HumanKind, we must be able to first self diagnose and treat the disease. When we come down with the common cold, we take cold medicine, drink some hot tea and maybe some chicken soup, crawl into bed, and make sure there is a full box of tissues nearby. Diagnosis and treatment. Nobody ever gets a cold and thinks “Hmmm. Maybe it is foot fungus.”
So, it is important that you self diagnose and treat as much as you can your own CrankaTsuris. The most important thing to remember is that it is the most common ailment that afflicts everyone so take away any bad feelings you have about becoming afflicted.
But, it is not enough always to go it alone. Think of yourself getting into a relationship, and both you and your partner learn to become certified American Medical Association approved treating physicians specializing in the treatment of CrankaTsuris.
You also both specialize in the prevention of the more serious cases of this disease when the CrankaTsuris goes untreated, and the patient transforms into a TyrantoCrankaTsuris. Also, this is important piece of knowledge to have because, if left untreated, the CrankaTsuris disease is very contagious, and can spread quickly.
Here is an interaction of a couple before they received their medical training:
Partner A comes home to Partner B. Partner B begins to let out a particular CrankaTsuris of all the minor daily inconveniences that ruined the day. Partner A has a forming undiagnosed CrankaTsuris also, but because it is not fully formed, it is just mestaticizing in the system. So while Partner A wants to be sympathetic to the CrankaTsuris, Partner A takes it in as one long and smelly verbal fart, and says; “I can’t believe that you let that thing upset you! You go on and on and on. You should hear yourself talk. It is a bit insane!”
This response, believe it or not, is not the best and appropriate treatment for a CrankaTsuris, and will only make the CrankaTsuris worse. The worse the CrankaTsuris gets, the more contagious it becomes. If this goes on much longer, the couple slowly both transforms into a TyrantoCrankaTsuris and a TyrantoKvetchaTsuris, long known to be the most dangerous creatures on the planet.
The good news is that you do not need three years of medical school to become certified at treating CrankaTsuris disease. The first step is to both recognize each other’s particular kind of CrankaTsuris. Become familiar with it so that the CrankaTsuris can be both self diagnosed and diagnosed by your partner.
Once you are both familiar with each other’s CrankaTsuris, find out what each other needs when they become afflicted. Write it down. Practice it. Because you never know when a CrankaTsuris will strike a person.
Most importantly, and aside what they need, when your partner has a CrankaTsuris, encourage your partner to let it all out. Think of it like you would think of a cold. You would not tell your partner with a cold and a stuffy runny nose: “Whatever you do, do not blow your nose!!!! You have to keep all that good phlegm inside!!” So, let them blow it all out. If they do, the CrankaTsuris immediately becomes less contagious. Once it becomes less contagious, you as the treating physician can give your partner a great big hug.
The hug gets out whatever remains of the CrankaTsuris.
So, as it says in the book, we learned to be careful how we express CrankaTsuris or KvetchaTsuris. “Just the right amount to keep the planet happy and not too cranky.”